Laxmi Puja

I think Laxmi Puja must be my favourite Nepalese festival. It is celebrated on the third day of Deepawali / Diwali and it always find place on a new (no) moon day.  One can celebrate it without inviting millions of friends. Well, that is just my thing. I like simplicity. After all the crowdiness of Dashain, I can really enjoy a ‘quiet’ day as Laxmi Puja. Of course, the nicest part of it all are all the lighted candles, it just underlines the simplicity.

Another important aspect of Laxmi Puja is that your house should be spotlessly clean. Because the goddess would only visit clean houses and bring prosperity and wealth to its inhabitants. Of course, our house wasn’t freakishly clean. However, every bit helps so we made sure that all the dishes were done before we could start the ritual. At least the kitchen looked clean

Further,  I know that for religious rituals you need to have pitchers and little cans with water in it, offers and so on.  However we do not have any of those. I know that if my husband’s grandmother ever would attend a ritual performed by my husband over here, she would scold him that he isn’t doing it on the correct way.  In our defence, we did have flowers, fruits as offer and tika powder.  Furthermore, we had hundreds of candles lighted. Of course, it’s easier to go and buy candles in a shop and to come home and light them.  In Nepal, a kind of oil lights are lighted on this event. These oil lights (diyas) were home-made by my husband’s grandmother and she spends a reasonable amount of time on rolling the cotton wicks and dipping them oil.  His grandmother is really great and she will be happy to see the pictures we took for Laxmi Puja. But I can see her thinking: ” Hmm, where is this or that?” And the next time my husband visits Nepal, she will probably give him something else that is necessary for worshiping the gods. Previous year, she gave him a little Ganesha statue, because she found that he had too less of divine statues to pray towards. I will be curious what we will get next year.

Finally, to end this post, I know that I haven’t been blogging regularly because I was caught up with my thesis and work and all the other boring stuff. But I can happily tell you know that I have passed my master’s thesis that dealt about Nepal and sustainable peace. That doesn’t intend that I have more free time because I am job hunting and since September I am following once a week Hindi lessons.  So much fun.

Why we should not behave too much south-asian/indian (watch and see)

It has been a while since I posted something. Well, I have been busy because I need to finish my Master’s thesis by next month. However, a piece of comedy a day keeps it all bareble.

Hiding the truth. Having an openly secret relationship

My husband did hide years long for his father that we had a relationship and that we were living together. His father knew it, he had heard from some people. But he also hide the fact that he knew. (It could be a comedy, if it was not so dramatic)

Years go by and in the mean time we got married without informing his father. We thought it would be for the best.  We already suffered so much with my parents, if we needed to handle his parents directly, it would have been a real burden. So, my husband decided to tell his father the first time when he would go back to Nepal.

 So it is said, so it shall be done.  He told his father and His father told him that he knew everything already because he has his connections. He told my husband to finish our marriage, he could never approve this scandalous relationship. He need to think about the honour of the family. Further, he forbade my husband to spread this news around and tell this to any other family members. Both didn’t speak for weeks with each other.  Untill at the airport, his father told him that he couldn’t approve but it was ok, he should live his life as he wants to live it.

One year later, after asking a sort of permission to his father, I joined my husband in his journey to Nepal. I did not stay directly at his house but wisely stayed a few days with close friends. A smart decision because his father changed his mind, it was not ok that I came. My husband is Bahun (a caste) and he should marry in that caste. (and lot more bs) It took eventually all the uncles to convince his father that I could stay in “their house”. However, the deal was that I did not tell his mother and his grandmother (all the rest already knew) who I exactly was. Further, I would go and sleep in the uncle house next to their house. I should be so-called just a guest, a friend.

What a joke. Every friend of my husband, every neighbour and most of his family members knew that we were married in Europe. We were more than just friends. Still I needed to lie. When only his mother or grandmother and me were at their house, they would start ask annoying questions.  They had heard so much gossip, of course they started to wonder.  The questions ranged from tell me how do you exactly know each other, do you guys live far from each other in Europe, are you guys in love to are you both married…

I did not have another choice than lie. If I told them the truth, they would mention it to this father. This would have as finally consequence that I would not have a place to stay anymore. Whatever happened, through lies I could spend time together with my husband and his family. Without lies, I would have missed that.

How is the current situation?  This has been a year ago.Well, his father is still against us being together. We did not tell his mother or grandmother because of his father’s wish and also because we don’t know how they would react. So long everything is secret, everything is safe. Both for us, as for them. I do not have any contact with his mother or grandmother because it would require me to lie again and I feel like I am done with that.

One way or another, the situation is so funny. Everyone knows about us, but still we are hiding it. So we have an openly secret relationship.

The name confusion

My husband’s name sounds girlish. What is for Nepalese a typical boy’s name sounds in English as a typical girl’s name.

The consequences

• When I met my husband, I took me weeks before I could call him S. It just did not suit to call him (insert girlish name). On one hand, it was so funny, on the other hand, I felt shy.

•  Sometimes you have a conversation with people you just know and your partner’s name gets briefly mentioned.  Beneath you can read an example of a few months ago, when I got acquainted with someone new at my university:

A: You also need to take this train?

Me: Yeah, I live over there.

A: Oh, is it the city you grow up in or do you just rent a room over there?

Me: Well, I am already married and we are renting an apartment. S and I have been living approximately 4 years together.

A: Oh, and what does your wife do?

Me: Not wife…husband

 

• Or people ask the name of my husband. Before I would just say his name, but then people started joking or reacting weird. So nowadays I answer that question with ”Well, you would write it like this,” and then I start spelling it, ”but in Nepali you pronounce like this.” End of confusion, end of discussion.

My husband’s reaction

He feels shy to mention his name because people just find it weird.  In the beginning, he still tried to explain to people how come his name sounds like that.  But he gave up. Now, he has a solution for the name problem. The solution is that he pronounces his name as it would sound in my native language. This sounds totally different from his real name and the girlish touch of it is gone.

One way or another, I think it is silly. He should be proud on his name and it makes him special. So, I will not say to people he is called (new name). I will keep on using the girlish name. Because in my vision a name is part of whom you are.  Nevertheless, my husband doesn’t mind to adapt his name a bit. I asked him why it doesn’t bother him. Consequently, he explained to me that in Nepal a first name isn’t that important and no one called him by his first name, so that makes him less attached to it.

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.” (Shakespeare)

Looking back to the infatuation

Do you still remember does butterflies in your stomach? Those first feelings of intensive, crazy infatuation which turned into love? The thought that the world was at your feet?

I do. Well, I have been reminded of it. I was searching something in my mailbox and the folder with my husband’s name on it got my attention. It was a long time ago that I have looked into it. It contains tons of mails that represent that stage of crazy infatuation. On the one hand, these mails let me revive our journey together. However, on the other hand, while I am reading them, I keep on thinking: “Girl, you had still a lot to learn at that time.”

Beneath this paragraph, you can read a ‘poem’ I wrote five years ago. I think I tried to be romantic and funny at the same time. I needed to show I was a full packet deal We were just a few months together and we enjoyed hanging around in the park. Just strolling, talking, laughing, dreaming about our future together. However, the weather gods were not in our favour. On quite a bit of occasions, even when we thought it would be nice weather, we arrived in the park and a few minutes later it starts raining…

Love was just a word before

You changed it into a feeling

Gave it a beautiful meaning

Which you even showed to me.

A bit hidden in that endless smile

Between that look into your eyes

That mostly, dearest, cannot disguise

How my dreamer dreams his dreams

Talking smoothly by thinking serene

Your tenderness and concern

All qualities on its turn

Make me a cherished girl

From you a loveable man

Let this love be everlasting

And may our only trouble be

Bad weather forecasting.

As I am a sucker for romance and funny stories. I would like to know what takes you back to the beginning of your relationship? What helps you to revive those memories again?

Birth in Nepal’s remote areas

Yesterday, this article got my attention. I was horrified when I read:

“One of my sons was positioned ectopically in the womb,” she recalls. “His hands came out first, and I tugged him out myself. The placenta followed, and I almost died with the pain.”

After her 23rd child, she suffered from uterine prolapse, which caused regular bleeding, dizziness and pain. But she continued to give birth. Eventually, her ability to move became limited to dragging herself to the toilet.

The article remined me of a heart-breaking documentary from Subina Shrestha,who tries to find out why so many mothers are dying in childbirth.

You know your are married to a Nepali when

Eating

1. he thinks momo’s (dumplings) is typically Nepali.
2. he asks even to random strangers if they already had their lunch/dinner.
3. he thinks a meal cannot be complete without rice.
4. his plate contains more goat meat than rice.
5. he even tries to eat spaghetti with his hands.
6. he makes tea in a sauce pan.

India

1. he rather supports China than India.
2. he knows Hindi but refuses to speak it.
3. he thinks being compared with an Indian is the worst insult possible.
4. he does not like Indians but cannot live without their movies

Relationships

1. he calls you fat and thinks it is a compliment
2. he does not use your first name.
3. he told his family that he was dating someone after whole the community knew months or years about it.
4. he first checks the area on the presence of Nepali before giving you a kiss in public.

Family

1. there is always place for his relatives to stay and it doesn’t matter with how many they are or how little the room is.
2. his relatives could populate a whole city
3. he does not know the name of people he calls uncle, sister, brother,…
4. his mother/grandmother keeps on spoiling him and are willing to do everything for him

Others

1. he takes free stuff to home, no matter what it is.
2. he can easily pass as a South-American.
3. he thinks cats are evil.
4. he has more religious festivals in one year than you have in a decennium.